Free Friday: Get your Free e-copy of What Goes Down!

Good morning and TGIF!

It’s that time again: Free Friday!

Anyone who would like a free eCopy of my book, What Goes Down: The End of an Eating Disorder, to read and review gets it!

Reading other’s stories of struggle and recovery was incredibly therapeutic for me when I was recovering, and I hope my words and story can help others too.

Throw a comment out if you would like a free eCopy, email me at callie.bowld@gmail.com and I’ll get it over to you to read and review. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it!

Here’s to recovery. Cheers!

–CallieScreen Shot 2019-12-06 at 08.35.38

 

Goldilocks and the Three Thanksgiving Pants

It’s true; I have three pairs of Thanksgiving pants for the three different phases of my eating past. I can’t go back in time and change what I did all those years. My past is still very much a part of me, so I have to find a way to face it, forgive it, and find some humor in it. I truly believe that is the best way to make peace with it. Look back and laugh a little.

When I looked back, I was surprised to find I had somehow channeled my inner Goldilocks (I guess I can chalk that up to my natural blonde locks) when I found I had evolved through three very different types of Thanksgiving pants. I also found it ironically hilarious that Goldilocks begins her plunder hungry, looking for food, and the first thing she does is sit down and eat a stranger’s whole bowl of porridge.

I had to laugh, realizing that was a pretty fitting testament to what my ED-self might have done back then. Hide your porridge folks, Goldie’s hungry and on the hunt! And, in true Goldilocks-style, that is exactly where my twenty years of porridge-plundering began—with pants way too small in an attempt to hide my hunger. Continue reading “Goldilocks and the Three Thanksgiving Pants”

The Black Vine in my Mind

I imagine the path is similar for many and different for others. For me, my eating disorder was a seed I planted during puberty. It was a realization that I have a body that is not slender and beautiful like other girls, which somehow makes me different and less than other girls.

That seed was then nurtured by the stress of moving across country to live on my own for the first time, with no friends or acquaintances on campus, to begin college and start learning how to cope with all the demands of life as an independent adult. And as I was doing that, I found myself surrounded by throngs of gorgeous hourglass-shaped southern belles. This only continued the unraveling of my self-esteem, a pervasive waning of my confidence. Continue reading “The Black Vine in my Mind”

I Can Promise Anything … Then

In that moment, when I’m about to do it. On a good day: I’ve fought it all day, likely knowing all the while, despite my best efforts, that I’m going to cave. On a bad day: I’ve been secretly craving it all day, knowing I’m going to push everyone and everything out of my life for that glorious hour to succumb to it. But, I know I’m going to feel like total shit when it’s done, questioning yet again why I keep doing this to myself. Why I keep dancing with this demon? So, I promise myself this will be the last time. Continue reading “I Can Promise Anything … Then”

Happy Halloween: Be a “Butter” You!

I wouldn’t have even needed to dress up for Halloween back then. I could have just gone as a pumpkin with those orange-colored hands!

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While it’s a little hard to tell in this photo, I was sporting fingers I had turned orange by eating too much butter spray. Did I know it was causing my slow pumpkin-transformation at the time?

Heck no!

I thought a yellowy goo that tasted like salty heaven but boasted NO calories, not a single one, could only be good for me. But, in true Halloween style, I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-butter SPRAY is plastic in a mask, only dressing up as real butter.

This, year, let’s keep it real! Be a “butter” you : ) – the real you! The one whose size and shape you love because it is unique to you. Anyone else trying to be you would need a disguise. When I look at it that way, it makes me feel like a pretty cool person, one no one else can be.

Dress yourself up and head out on the town! But know that there is only one single, solitary Y.O.U. deep down!

Happy Halloween, peeps! 🎃

–Callie

Be a Food Boss: Make Cooking a Priority to Make Yourself a Better Person

This is something very important I learned about food. The more time you spend with it, both in the selection process at the grocery store or farmer’s market, in the prep process as you wash and chop it, and especially in the cooking process—as you sizzle, spice, and meld all of those amazing flavors together—you gain a much greater respect for food. Now, how does respect help you fix your relationship with food? Well, if you respect something, you’re far less likely to abuse it, mistreat it, or waste it, right?

Think of it like a relationship you’ve been building with a superior co-worker or your boss. Maybe you’ve been working hard to get projects in ahead of time, come to meetings with fresh ideas, be more reliable in the workplace, or just come to work with a better attitude in hopes of being seen by that co-worker or boss as someone who brings value to the team. That takes a lot of time, patience, diligence, and commitment to build that relationship, to be that reliable, valuable person.

… if you respect something, you’re far less likely to abuse it, mistreat it, or waste it, right?

And, you do it, because the acknowledgement is something you want, something that will make you feel accomplished and good about yourself. You do that because you respect your boss and you want your boss to respect you. Now with all the time and conscious effort you put into that, would you decide to come to work one day super late, looking disheveled and tired as hell, miss a meeting and a deadline and give only the excuse: “I didn’t have time to do that?”

Absolutely not! Not only would it simply be mortifying because that’s not the person you are. You would never BE that person. But, it would also undo all of that very hard work you put in to impress your boss, unraveling a lot of the hard-earned respect you had gained. Now, stick with me for a minute. I promise I’m taking you to great, revelatory places: Continue reading “Be a Food Boss: Make Cooking a Priority to Make Yourself a Better Person”

Can We Talk about Posers?

Don’t they all look so perfect and slender? Their taut tummies stretched in a sexy arch. Their chests heaving forward demanding your attention. And, their thighs! You can actually see daylight between their thighs! I don’t think any outdoor breeze on earth has graced the skin between my thighs. And, I don’t have really large thighs! And, I also don’t spend my time on the beach posing. I spend it writing to help others who might be slipping toward a terribly debilitating eating disorder as I did, and this topic has been burning on my mind.

Can we talk about posers for a minute? Continue reading “Can We Talk about Posers?”