Let’s talk about it: Kristen Brunello’s Eating Disorder Recovery Speakers Podcast

That’s exactly what eating disorder survivor, Kristen Brunello is doing with her Eating Disorder Recovery Speakers podcast—bravely talking about it—and I could not be more grateful.

“Eating disorders grow in the dark,” she says in her June 8th podcast interview, which is so true.

They’re such a lonely, isolating disease. For those who (sadly, just like me) fall down that wretched rabbit hole, they find they spend their days, their nights, their every meal with those two stupid voices in their head telling them to “Eat!” or “Don’t eat!” Had I heard someone like Brunello talking about it so long ago, I would have saved myself years of torture. Continue reading “Let’s talk about it: Kristen Brunello’s Eating Disorder Recovery Speakers Podcast”

Walls into Windows: Beating EDs Through Humor

A great piece of comedy is a verbal magic trick[.] [D]ealing with a lot of the same areas where our defenses are the strongest—race, religion, politics, sexuality—but approaching them through humor instead of fight-or-flight adrenalin, we get endorphins and the alchemy of laughter turns our walls into windows, revealing a fresh and unexpected point of view.

Chris Bliss, Comedian

Humor. It is the most difficult way to approach a sensitive subject because it seems to make light of it, it flirts on the verge of offensive. But, if done expertly, it can be the most effective tool because it sneaks up quietly and slips into your conscience while your guard is down. “It’s just comedy. Nothing serious about it.” Then all of a sudden you’ve seen something big and important in a very different light, and it is now all too serious. But it is also now true and undeniable, because you laughed at it. This is what humor can do. It can allow me to help you see the blunt reality of your life with an eating disorder and finally decide to stop damaging yourself. By the time you’ve laughed, you can’t take it back or un-see the honest truth exposed and I hope it will give you the strength you’ve been looking for to change it. Walls into windows.

I feel like I’m sashaying saucily up to you: “Would you like me to seduce you?” Let’s see if I can. Continue reading “Walls into Windows: Beating EDs Through Humor”

Free Friday: Get your Free e-copy of What Goes Down!

Good morning and TGIF!

It’s that time again: Free Friday!

Anyone who would like a free eCopy of my book, What Goes Down: The End of an Eating Disorder, to read and review gets it!

Reading other’s stories of struggle and recovery was incredibly therapeutic for me when I was recovering, and I hope my words and story can help others too.

Throw a comment out if you would like a free eCopy, email me at callie.bowld@gmail.com and I’ll get it over to you to read and review. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it!

Here’s to recovery. Cheers!

–CallieScreen Shot 2019-12-06 at 08.35.38

 

Goldilocks and the Three Thanksgiving Pants

It’s true; I have three pairs of Thanksgiving pants for the three different phases of my eating past. I can’t go back in time and change what I did all those years. My past is still very much a part of me, so I have to find a way to face it, forgive it, and find some humor in it. I truly believe that is the best way to make peace with it. Look back and laugh a little.

When I looked back, I was surprised to find I had somehow channeled my inner Goldilocks (I guess I can chalk that up to my natural blonde locks) when I found I had evolved through three very different types of Thanksgiving pants. I also found it ironically hilarious that Goldilocks begins her plunder hungry, looking for food, and the first thing she does is sit down and eat a stranger’s whole bowl of porridge.

I had to laugh, realizing that was a pretty fitting testament to what my ED-self might have done back then. Hide your porridge folks, Goldie’s hungry and on the hunt! And, in true Goldilocks-style, that is exactly where my twenty years of porridge-plundering began—with pants way too small in an attempt to hide my hunger. Continue reading “Goldilocks and the Three Thanksgiving Pants”

The Black Vine in my Mind

I imagine the path is similar for many and different for others. For me, my eating disorder was a seed I planted during puberty. It was a realization that I have a body that is not slender and beautiful like other girls, which somehow makes me different and less than other girls.

That seed was then nurtured by the stress of moving across country to live on my own for the first time, with no friends or acquaintances on campus, to begin college and start learning how to cope with all the demands of life as an independent adult. And as I was doing that, I found myself surrounded by throngs of gorgeous hourglass-shaped southern belles. This only continued the unraveling of my self-esteem, a pervasive waning of my confidence. Continue reading “The Black Vine in my Mind”

I Can Promise Anything … Then

In that moment, when I’m about to do it. On a good day: I’ve fought it all day, likely knowing all the while, despite my best efforts, that I’m going to cave. On a bad day: I’ve been secretly craving it all day, knowing I’m going to push everyone and everything out of my life for that glorious hour to succumb to it. But, I know I’m going to feel like total shit when it’s done, questioning yet again why I keep doing this to myself. Why I keep dancing with this demon? So, I promise myself this will be the last time. Continue reading “I Can Promise Anything … Then”

A Chat with Meg Doll: The Unbreakable You Podcast

I am so excited to share this with you today! I was recently a featured guest on The Unbreakable You Podcast with Meg Doll.

This was such an honor! It was also the first time I raised my actual voice to speak out against eating disorders, and it was beyond empowering. Meg made me feel unbreakable. I really enjoyed talking with someone who has been there, who does not judge, and who simply wants to hear from others who have also battled this monster, so that our voices can reach those who think they are alone.

My biggest piece of advice was not to lose yourself to your eating disorder. In life, I am a strong, supportive, funny friend, sister, daughter, professional, all of that… but for whatever reason my eating disorder took all of those strengths away. In front of him I was weak, lifeless, and sad. When I finally found my humor again, and its keen ability to cut through the BS that the voice inside my head was always spouting, I finally found ME again.

I hope my talk with Meg can get some of you laughing and remembering what you were like before your eating disorder took over. That person is still in there. That person is still funny, strong, and capable of conquering anything.

A huge thank you to Meg Doll for taking a chance on this unknown author and letting me share my story. It meant the world to me.

Now, go check out that podcast — Episode #083!

Click here to listen!

–Callie

Can We Talk about Posers?

Don’t they all look so perfect and slender? Their taut tummies stretched in a sexy arch. Their chests heaving forward demanding your attention. And, their thighs! You can actually see daylight between their thighs! I don’t think any outdoor breeze on earth has graced the skin between my thighs. And, I don’t have really large thighs! And, I also don’t spend my time on the beach posing. I spend it writing to help others who might be slipping toward a terribly debilitating eating disorder as I did, and this topic has been burning on my mind.

Can we talk about posers for a minute? Continue reading “Can We Talk about Posers?”

My Favorite Time of Day

I know it’s not going to surprise you to know that my favorite time of the day is the time when I start sipping on wine and nibbling on cheese. But that’s not the entirety of the reasons why it is my favorite. Continue reading “My Favorite Time of Day”

Unbearable Drive: Review of Portia de Rossi’s ED Memoir

Portia de Rossi proves the very thing I think everyone should know about people suffering from an eating disorder in her book, Unbearable Lightness: eating disorder sufferers are anything but lazy. Just like Portia, they are driven, motivated, exceptionally hard-working, and frighteningly hard on themselves.

Imagine accomplishing any one of the amazing things Portia was able to achieve—getting admitted to law school, becoming an actress, working her way to the States and onto hit TV shows—while running or walking multiple miles every day (yes, miles!), doing hundreds of leg lifts and sit-ups, counting calories, restricting, forcing her body into an unnatural “what society thinks is beautiful” mold. It’s like having two overwhelming full-time jobs at the same time and succeeding wildly at both. Of all the other eating disorder stories I have read, I believe I connected with Portia the most because of her innate drive to constantly strive for a bar she, herself, set so high.

Like I said, the very opposite of lazy. Continue reading “Unbearable Drive: Review of Portia de Rossi’s ED Memoir”