I wouldn’t have even needed to dress up for Halloween back then. I could have just gone as a pumpkin with those orange-colored hands!
While it’s a little hard to tell in this photo, I was sporting fingers I had turned orange by eating too much butter spray. Did I know it was causing my slow pumpkin-transformation at the time?
I thought a yellowy goo that tasted like salty heaven but boasted NO calories, not a single one, could only be good for me. But, in true Halloween style, I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-butter SPRAY is plastic in a mask, only dressing up as real butter.
This, year, let’s keep it real! Be a “butter” you : ) – the real you! The one whose size and shape you love because it is unique to you. Anyone else trying to be you would need a disguise. When I look at it that way, it makes me feel like a pretty cool person, one no one else can be.
Dress yourself up and head out on the town! But know that there is only one single, solitary Y.O.U. deep down!
Happy Halloween, peeps! 🎃
I am so excited to share this with you today! I was recently a featured guest on The Unbreakable You Podcast with Meg Doll.
This was such an honor! It was also the first time I raised my actual voice to speak out against eating disorders, and it was beyond empowering. Meg made me feel unbreakable. I really enjoyed talking with someone who has been there, who does not judge, and who simply wants to hear from others who have also battled this monster, so that our voices can reach those who think they are alone.
My biggest piece of advice was not to lose yourself to your eating disorder. In life, I am a strong, supportive, funny friend, sister, daughter, professional, all of that… but for whatever reason my eating disorder took all of those strengths away. In front of him I was weak, lifeless, and sad. When I finally found my humor again, and its keen ability to cut through the BS that the voice inside my head was always spouting, I finally found ME again.
I hope my talk with Meg can get some of you laughing and remembering what you were like before your eating disorder took over. That person is still in there. That person is still funny, strong, and capable of conquering anything.
A huge thank you to Meg Doll for taking a chance on this unknown author and letting me share my story. It meant the world to me.
Now, go check out that podcast — Episode #083!
Click here to listen!
Don’t they all look so perfect and slender? Their taut tummies stretched in a sexy arch. Their chests heaving forward demanding your attention. And, their thighs! You can actually see daylight between their thighs! I don’t think any outdoor breeze on earth has graced the skin between my thighs. And, I don’t have really large thighs! And, I also don’t spend my time on the beach posing. I spend it writing to help others who might be slipping toward a terribly debilitating eating disorder as I did, and this topic has been burning on my mind.
Can we talk about posers for a minute? Continue reading “Can We Talk about Posers?”
When the image first came to me, I couldn’t un-see it. It was there. Imprinted. Emblazoned on my mind. I was Sisyphus. Or had been at least. There was no other way to put it. But, I was no longer. And, now, a recovered eating disorder victim committed to helping others avoid that treacherous mind-altering path, I hope I can help you see it, too. Continue reading “Sisyphus”
Back in my eating disorder heyday, I would often get caught in what I called a “food jam.” A forced meal. A real dilemma. For me, lunch was always the most common. When I was a highly-functional bulimic I would often starve through the day, drinking only coffee for breakfast.
“Why blow through so many calories so early? When I’m not even desperately starving yet?” Continue reading “A Food Jam”
“The minute you can start to laugh about it …” I had always heard people say, but I did not grasp the power of that statement until it finally dawned on me. That is when you start to heal. Humor. Laughter. That is where it all started for me. It was my strength all along, but I just didn’t realize it.
Clearly, I am an eating disorder survivor. It is the entire reason for this platform and blog, and the reason I feel compelled (energized really!) to write all of these mini revelations down and share them with you, because they empowered me. Maybe you are just looking for a better diet, trying to build a better relationship with exercise and food, or whether you (I hope not, but perhaps like me) went that far and messed yourself up when it comes to eating that much. No judgment here. I did it. But I want to give you one tool that helped me mend my approach to food: Continue reading “Humor Heals”
For me, it started with a Polaroid. A lampshade. A stocky topless girl. And a Polaroid. Then, later, a traumatic Tanya Harding whack to the knees of my confidence that briefly shattered me. That was just the pinnacle moment that triggered what had already been brewing in my mind and what would continue to roar like a furnace long after I could even recall what Tanya’s club felt like. Many things had been leading up to it. Continue reading “Your Fat and Unlovable Photo”