I think we’re all pretty familiar with the “life-size” Barbie analogy where a Barbie doll is made to-scale as a life-size woman and she’s absolutely ridiculous: boobs she could not fit into any shirt, feet the size of insects, arms as thin as reeds. It really is quite hilarious (and sad) that children strive to look like that. If you haven’t seen that Barbie analogy, here’s a great recap:
While I think this measurement-to-measurement comparison is an important reminder to the little girls and boys inside us that Barbie is not a good role model, the more I think about Barbie, the more I see how a real-life version of Barbie would make me laugh. I wouldn’t envy her, or be jealous of her. I would simply laugh. Just imagine the many oddities and limitations Barbie has to deal with and how she might handle that on social media:
Because she can never NOT smile:
- “Lost in Simon Says again today. Hate when he says ‘make a sad face’.”
- “I am pissed. Why don’t you believe me?”
- “This IS my resting bitch face.”
Because she has no nipples:
- “Piercing guy told me ‘No’ because he wouldn’t know where to put them.”
- “Is it cold in here? I can never tell.”
- “Where do I put my pasties?”
Because her knees only bend with two audible pops up to 20 degrees:
- “Namaste in this awkward extended position cause I can’t do Lotus.”
- “At least I can bend and snap (oh … *snap*).”
- “There goes my pole-dancing career.”
Because her toes are always pointed like she’s in a perpetual orgasm:
- “Got my ‘O’ feet on today (and everyday)!”
- “I can’t wear Birkenstocks. I just can’t.”
- “I can’t understand why they call them ‘flip-flops’ – mine never flop.”
- “Why are the cops always so mad when I tippie-toe in the line-up?”
Because … well, just because she’s hard, shiny plastic:
- “Nothing jiggles when I twerk.”
- “How do I ‘make it clap?’”
The more I think about it, the harder I laugh. Imagine Barbie trying to go down stairs. Her back foot wouldn’t bend enough to let her safely put her front foot (even in ‘O’ mode) onto the next step, so she would just tumble the rest of the way down and land in an only slightly-bended heap at the bottom. Like a falling stick. (It’s a good thing she’s plastic.)
But, then how does she even get up?
I believe if Barbie took one single fall, she’d be down forever.
I hope some of these Barbie musings have made you all laugh as hard as I have, and—far more importantly—realize how infinitely more amazing YOUR bendable, capable, unique body is compared to that piece of plastic.
That’s exactly what eating disorder survivor, Kristen Brunello is doing with her Eating Disorder Recovery Speakers podcast—bravely talking about it—and I could not be more grateful.
“Eating disorders grow in the dark,” she says in her June 8th podcast interview, which is so true.
They’re such a lonely, isolating disease. For those who (sadly, just like me) fall down that wretched rabbit hole, they find they spend their days, their nights, their every meal with those two stupid voices in their head telling them to “Eat!” or “Don’t eat!” Had I heard someone like Brunello talking about it so long ago, I would have saved myself years of torture. Continue reading “Let’s talk about it: Kristen Brunello’s Eating Disorder Recovery Speakers Podcast”
It’s true; I have three pairs of Thanksgiving pants for the three different phases of my eating past. I can’t go back in time and change what I did all those years. My past is still very much a part of me, so I have to find a way to face it, forgive it, and find some humor in it. I truly believe that is the best way to make peace with it. Look back and laugh a little.
When I looked back, I was surprised to find I had somehow channeled my inner Goldilocks (I guess I can chalk that up to my natural blonde locks) when I found I had evolved through three very different types of Thanksgiving pants. I also found it ironically hilarious that Goldilocks begins her plunder hungry, looking for food, and the first thing she does is sit down and eat a stranger’s whole bowl of porridge.
I had to laugh, realizing that was a pretty fitting testament to what my ED-self might have done back then. Hide your porridge folks, Goldie’s hungry and on the hunt! And, in true Goldilocks-style, that is exactly where my twenty years of porridge-plundering began—with pants way too small in an attempt to hide my hunger. Continue reading “Goldilocks and the Three Thanksgiving Pants”
I wouldn’t have even needed to dress up for Halloween back then. I could have just gone as a pumpkin with those orange-colored hands!
While it’s a little hard to tell in this photo, I was sporting fingers I had turned orange by eating too much butter spray. Did I know it was causing my slow pumpkin-transformation at the time?
I thought a yellowy goo that tasted like salty heaven but boasted NO calories, not a single one, could only be good for me. But, in true Halloween style, I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-butter SPRAY is plastic in a mask, only dressing up as real butter.
This, year, let’s keep it real! Be a “butter” you : ) – the real you! The one whose size and shape you love because it is unique to you. Anyone else trying to be you would need a disguise. When I look at it that way, it makes me feel like a pretty cool person, one no one else can be.
Dress yourself up and head out on the town! But know that there is only one single, solitary Y.O.U. deep down!
Happy Halloween, peeps! 🎃
I am so excited to share this with you today! I was recently a featured guest on The Unbreakable You Podcast with Meg Doll.
This was such an honor! It was also the first time I raised my actual voice to speak out against eating disorders, and it was beyond empowering. Meg made me feel unbreakable. I really enjoyed talking with someone who has been there, who does not judge, and who simply wants to hear from others who have also battled this monster, so that our voices can reach those who think they are alone.
My biggest piece of advice was not to lose yourself to your eating disorder. In life, I am a strong, supportive, funny friend, sister, daughter, professional, all of that… but for whatever reason my eating disorder took all of those strengths away. In front of him I was weak, lifeless, and sad. When I finally found my humor again, and its keen ability to cut through the BS that the voice inside my head was always spouting, I finally found ME again.
I hope my talk with Meg can get some of you laughing and remembering what you were like before your eating disorder took over. That person is still in there. That person is still funny, strong, and capable of conquering anything.
A huge thank you to Meg Doll for taking a chance on this unknown author and letting me share my story. It meant the world to me.
Now, go check out that podcast — Episode #083!
Click here to listen!